CHINESE GOV’T: Brawl & Attack on USA Basketball Team was “An Unfortunate Programming Error”
Beijing–Chinese state officials were quick to apologize for the brawl that took place yesterday between the Georgetown Hoyas and the Chinese military team, the Bayi Military Rockets.
Chinese minister of happiness, Shā Gweilos stated, “We are SO sorry for this ugly incident. Our bad. It was the unintentional result of an unfortunate programming error in our team’s educational conditioning. The Bayi Military Rocket’s head coach forgot to reprogram the team’s kill directives after their last tournament out west; our boys were still set to Weeger mode. Quite frankly, the situation could have been a lot worse.”
When asked why the ordinary citizens in the crowd attacked the Georgetown players too, Chinese officials explained it was most assuredly the evil influence of the Western culture and that half of the crowd had already been detained and were scheduled for re-education. An anonymous source informed us the other half of the crowd were secret police.
“I thought he said he worked for Google. After that, everything just went red.” –Chinese basketball soldier
Chinese Player Explains What Happened
Zu Ao Rui–a 6′ 4″ demolitions expert from Shanghai with NBA-3-point range–was the player who gave the initial hard foul that led to the ensuing mayhem. He recounted, “I thought he said he worked for Google. After that, everything just went red.”
When we caught up with the Hoyas they were holding a team meeting back at their hotel. The players and team staff were huddled around a laptop discecting and analyzing Youtube videos of the incident. Georgetown Head Coach, John Thompson III told his players, “We’re going to see a lot worse than this in the Big East this year. We’ve got to play Pitt, UCONN and Lousiville all early in this year’s Big East schedule. We really needed this to toughen us up.”
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