Bellevue’s I-405 Withdrawl Nightmare Ends

(BELLEVUE) Monday’s morning light revealed the carnage across Bellevue.  Cars dented, lawns unmanicured, and worst of all, the Build a Bear Workshop at Bellevue Square was ransacked.  Stuffing was found as far away as Crossroads.   The city was still reeling from the withdrawal it went through as I-405 was closed over the weekend for a straightening project. 

The last two days here saw an entire community melt down as their lifeline for travelling in giant vehicles, great distances, for items as insignificant as a single cup of coffee, closed for the entire weekend. “Without my beloved 405, I pretty much felt like those folks in the movie where the plane crashes in the mountains and they eat each other…but much worse,” said Bellevue accountant Anthoy Hopper. 

Nervous breakdowns, riots, power outages, even near Armageddon ensued as drivers found I-405 entirely closed through the city.

Bring back my 405

It started peacefully enough

Friday night, construction workers pulled down gates, rated for a 100 MPH impact with a Jetta Sportwagon driven by an enraged MSFT exec, closing all the onramps to the freeway.   In the first few hours, cars lined up before the gates for miles, silently, thinking it all a bad dream. 

Then around midnight, the first tentative horn sounded momentarily, followed by another and another.  Soon honking was a single long raucous clamor and the bell toll of society’s temporary collapse had begun.  Bellevue Police Chief Curtis Perkins said, “The first mob tried to torch a police car with their cars’ cigarette lighters.  It took a few hours of futile attempts until someone dropped one in the gas tank.  I guess these folks are new to rioting.”

Is this how you walk?

One enviro went to the front of Bellevue Square and held up a sign saying, “Want light rail now?” and was summarily beaten by the hoard.

Yes, it can get worse

By Saturday, a full mob mentality had set in.  Stumbling bands attacked stores, gas stations, even the infernal gates blocking their beloved 405.  Attempts by local officials to airdrop flat panel TVs and drive through fast food only seemed to anger them more.

Just as the community was tearing apart at the seams, the gates came up early on Sunday and a few cars started to trickle on to 405, horns honking, this time to let Bellevue know their beloved 405 was open again.  “That was the best sound I have ever heard,” said softare engineer Karen Zabin.  “Even in front of ‘your hired’ by Valve Software…and definitely ahead of my husband saying I do.”