Dragon is at the top of the Zodiac Peking Order For over a decade billions of Asians have been going through the motions, celebrating Chinese New Year as if it meant something. They have put on a brave front, drumming up token enthusiasm for Year of the Sheep and Year of the Ox. But everyone [...]
Co-written by Pastor Mark Driscoll and wife Grace (that means she typed it) The “Mars Hill Guide to Multiple Orgasms,” hit the market this week, the first Sex and Marriage book by Seattle Megachurch super couple Mark and Grace Driscoll. The book is intended as a guide for horny Christians requiring biblical permission to get [...]
(Pearly Gates) Jesus H. Christ was flattered last week when teen pop sensation Justin Bieber gave him a ink stained shout out in the form of a Jesus tattoo on his calf. Today he finally returned the love, getting portrait of the Biebs tattooed onto his deltoid. The resurrected-son-that-died-for-your-sins was seen showing off his new [...]
Lake City – Despite years of neighborhood grumbling, North Seattle resident Frank Stefano’s yard still languishes in a dilapidated state akin to the Manson Family compound. Mr. Stefano explained that the reason it became a wild thicket of mossy brambles isn’t because he has a particular distaste for yardwork, but rather that nothing really matters in face [...]
Same research proves men use system based on “Least Crazy” UW-Psychology Professor Janet M. Woolbright today broke the secret code of relationships with the publishing of her work in the Journal of Female Relationships, also known as O Magazine. In this research she proves definitively that women choose their mates based on a gradient of [...]
Heaven–Seattle’s Dan Savage was canonized as the patron saint of Northwest gays many years ago for his advocacy of LGBT issues and the inspiring additions of Santorum and Saddlebacking to the lexicon. But in fall of 2010 he began to wonder, is it enough to break the cloud ceiling to become the first gay in [...]
“The science is there…” When the pastors of the Reformed Christian megachurch–the Mars Hill Church–established venues of worship in edgy Seattle neighborhoods that were known to be gay-friendly, they knew that one day they might face infiltration by sodomizing, color-coordinated hordes of homos. So, rather than have these “grotesque intruders” spew corruption inside their sacred [...]
Many local theaters are showing “It’s a Wonderful Life,” this time of year. The Salmon, shockingly, found Mr. Potter alive and bitter in a home for aging fascists. We asked him to review the film that defined his as one of the greatest American assholes. (Bedford Falls) “Distilled demagoguery and lies.” Those words alone could [...]
Through our tireless intrepid investigative journalism, the Seattle Salmon got its hands on a few un-photoshopped images from Lindsey Lohan’s upcoming Playboy spread. While the final product may end up being “tastefully done”, the photos we’ve obtained tell the same old story, showing Lindsey up to her old tricks.
Religious tolerance mandates all Seattle religions be reprsented during holiday season (City Hall) Seattle has announced the addition of a new holiday display at City Hall called, “A Jedi Christmas.” It features four Star Wars characters in a scene depicting the virgin birth of Anakin Skywalker. The city is caving to growing pressure from nerds [...]
