SPD introduces new partnership wtih Food Network Following their groundbreaking use of pepper spray on 84 year-old Dorli Rainey, the Seattle Police Department has vowed to develop even bolder applications for the powerful crowd control irritant. Taking a cue from their motto, “Comfortable with Controversy,” the SPD held a press conference to discuss the future [...]
As human feet continue to wash ashore near Vancouver, BC, The Seattle Salmon’s Lori Cleveland interviewed North America’s least understood mass murderer in an attempt to understand the phenomena. Lori Cleveland: You said in your email that you’re disappointed to have evaded capture for so long. Foot Chopping Killer: That’s right, Lori. Oh my goodness, [...]
(King County Jail) Seattle’s self declared Superhero Phoenix Jones was dealt a crushing blow in what he claimed was an elaborate trap set for him by his arch nemesis, Angry Drunk Girl. Jones said that his enemy gained the upper hand ONLY after exploiting his sole weakness, a Prada purse to the head. According to [...]
Residents of Sisters, Oregon were stunned this week to hear that deceased neighbor L.D. Cooper may have been fugitive hijacker D.B. Cooper. However, soon many in town were commenting on clues to his real identity they had missed over the years. Co-worker Annie Slater remembers a few of his eccentric habits, “He never used to [...]
Where eco-friendly design meets “It rubs the lotion on its skin” An excerpt of The Seattle Salmon Architectural Supplement by Salmon Style Editor Anton Biaggi In a rustic meadow on the outskirts of Tacoma, a stunning architectural achievement has attracted style mavens and law enforcement officials, alike. This unusual pairing is brought together by master [...]
Okay, I don’t know what the heck this damn thing….hold on. I just erased everything I wrote. God bless it. I’ve been asked to write this because my damn fool of a son has got himself in some sort of trouble again and he won’t get paid unless this electronic fishpaper gets some story about [...]
Editor’s Note: This blog post is particularly full of colorful post-modern expletives. Readers are advised not to read this at work and to only read at home with a full bottle of Purell® on standby. A general call out for people in my home town which I still am not at liberty to divulge because [...]
Editor’s note: The Seattle Salmon editorial staff asks that you excuse this week’s blogger of the week’s foul language and race baiting. In order for Chiclets to retain his “cred” on the inside, not to mention his secretarial position within the Monroe State Prison chapter of the Aryan nation, he must be allowed to posture, [...]
Johnny “Chiclets” Walters is currently serving consecutive sentences for armed robbery, arson, indecent exposure, public lewdness, inciting a riot, and impersonating a police officer after what he describes as an “extremely disappointing customer service experience” at the White Center Dairy Queen. What’s the deal with all these “missing people found” stories stinking up my police [...]
