Seattle Still First In the Nation for Weird, Undignified Bicycles
By Chris Blado
Cycling enthusiasts, take note: Seattle has once again been voted the best city for riding bizarrely-shaped bicycles that make you look like a goddamn horse’s ass. 2011 is the third year in a row Seattle has won the competition, cementing its place as a paradise for those who want to look like giant douchebags while commuting to work. According to Bicycling Magazine, who administered the reader poll, Seattle’s victory was hard won.
“While perennial contenders like Portland and Minneapolis are definitely great places to awkwardly mount a pedal-powered contraption that looks like Medieval torture rack, Seattle’s charm lies in its insistence that everyone, from deliverymen to corporate executives, should be encouraged to embarrass themselves on a gimmicky, ball-smashing transportation device,” said Bicycling Magazine editor Ryan Stafford. “One thing you’ll never hear from a Seattleite is, ‘No thanks, I wouldn’t look dignified riding that.’”
This is more than a fad
Bicycling Magazine also noted Seattle’s long history of pioneering asinine, unnecessary variations of cycling, including bikes where you stand on a small platform and pedal with your hands, bikes that require you to steer with your head, and bikes where you sit backwards on the handlebars and look into a mirror to see where you’re going. While each of these styles has its advantage, most cycling experts emphasize that it’s important to try out each ill-conceived fad before settling on the one that suits you.
“The worst thing you can do as a cyclist is get on your Trek and bike and ride to work every day and not even consider that maybe your pedaling could be 0.5% more efficient by painfully contorting yourself on a $7,000 gadget made by some dipshit in Denmark,” said veteran Seattle cyclist Eric LeBeau, who attributed Seattle’s reputation, in part, to municipal leadership. “Take Mayor McGinn for example. Even his bike has that weird little motor on it.”
While Bicycling Magazine readers preferred Seattle’s entrenched culture of trendy bullshit when it comes to biking, they also gave high marks to runner-up Portland, whose specialty store BiSuckle caters to cyclists who nurse infants while they ride.
About the author: Chris Blado
Chris Blado moved to Seattle in 2010. Always looking to have some good clean fun, Blado’s hobbies include stamp collecting, coin collecting, coin stamping, and being in bed by 9PM..
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