Phoenix Jones Defeated in a Showdown with arch nemesis: Angry Drunk Girl

Our city's savior from semi crime

(King County Jail) Seattle’s self declared Superhero Phoenix Jones was dealt a crushing blow in what he claimed was an elaborate trap set for him by his arch nemesis, Angry Drunk Girl.  Jones said that his enemy gained the upper hand ONLY after exploiting his sole weakness, a Prada purse to the head.

According to Jones, Angry Drunk Girl is the leader of the Admiral Junction of Evil, a West Seattle based villain squad hell bent on destroying Normal Seattle by going out and committing acts of “public roughhousing” after a night of drinking.  Following her attack, Jones was shocked to then be arrested by Seattle Police, the completion her evil plan.

Phoenix Jones Stops Assault from Ryan McNamee on Vimeo.

Green Krypotnite to Phoenix Jones

The Battle in Seattle

Watch the video, Phoenix is attempting to break up a scuffle following a night of drinking when out of nowhere, Angry Drunk Girl attacks.  Thrown off by her exploiting his secret weakness, the Prada  purse attack, Jones is chased all over the block after getting off only a few pepper sprays on evildoers/people out having a good time.

“Usually, I can stop villains with a couple of squirts.  Last week I dropped a herd of jaywalkers with one shot, except for this one guy, but I think he was belted to his wheelchair.”

Hard time for costumed crime

Later, after a tremendous beating by Angry Drunk Girl, Jones was picked up by Seattle police for his public use of pepper spray.  “That was when I knew this is a brilliant, evil plan by Angry Drunk Girl.  After my mom posts bail and my Tuesday shift at Wallgreens, I will be back on the street to crush her and her minions,” he said from King County Jail.  “I am sure they are all out tonight doing all sorts of horseplay, but tomorrow <long dramatic pause> Phoenix Jones is BACK!”The West Seattle Junction of Evil's secret lair...

After the incident, the Seattle Salmon caught up with Angry Drunk Girl in her secret lair at her parents’ house in Alki.  “Right, he’s a hero and I’m a comic book stuper villain. Yeah.  Um, look, I gotta go help this guy I brought home, he has pepper spray in his left eye and I am the ‘doctor’.”


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Posted by on 9:04am, Tue, Oct 11 2011. Filed under Breaking News, Featured Stories, Police Blotter. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

2 Comments for “Phoenix Jones Defeated in a Showdown with arch nemesis: Angry Drunk Girl”

  1. The Shadow

    Thank you for another hilarious story! Your website is a new fave of mine; I love your take on local issues. It’s as good as the late great “Almost Live” without John Keister’s insufferable ego!

    Editor:Thanks! This website is part of our work release agreement for public nudity conviction(s) last year. Glad to hear you are enjoying it.

  2. I want to thank you for last years public nudity. I happened to run into you at the plaid pantry and well, I’ve felt better about myself ever since

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