New Areas of the Vagina Declassified
Caving in to pressure from Freedom of Information activists, the US government declassified previously unacknowledged areas of the human lady vagina on Tuesday.
A peek into the secret garden
Rumors of these new girly bits have swirled around the vagina for decades in online forums and on the Coast to Coast AM radio program. “It’s about time!” gushed one caller, “I knew something was there, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.”
The newly revealed vaginal areas have been given the name labia nona undecim in honor of the recent 9/11 anniversary. Previously, they were dubbed labia obscura by the community of conspiracy theorists who camped outside the vagina’s security perimeter and photographed it with powerful telephoto lenses.
Peace through superior cooter power
National security was cited as the primary reason this section of the va jay jay remained classified for so many years. “The Cold War is over and the War on Terror, is winding down. It’s time to relax our constrictive secrecy policies and let the vagina do its thing for the private sector,” said government spokeswoman Flavia Lingus.”We can neither confirm nor deny if ladyparts helped us bag the USSR, snatch Khalid Sheik Mohammed or penetrate Osama Bin Laden’s compound. But let’s just say they are very powerful when wielded skillfully.”
Reactions from the American Male
Richard Capo, a organic farm volunteer from Seattle, was unimpressed by the announcement. “You can’t discover an anatomical structure. This particular vaginal region has been know about for centuries by, like, authentic ancient cultures.” When asked which culture, Capo responded, “India, probably.”
Less sensitive American males have yet to process the discovery. It is theorized they will utilize this new information after football season.
In related news, this discovery offers fresh inspiration for researchers on the hunt for the fabled pussy whip.
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