Author Archive
Stories written by jill

Westboro Church Bewildered By Powell Protest Backlash


Homo-cidal maniac Josh Powell was merely a cog in the God Hates Fags machine… Tacoma – Westboro Baptist Church members are reportedly upset about the negative publicity around their planned picket of the Powell boys funeral this Saturday. They certainly did not expect the local backlash when they announced that they would be disrupting the [...]

Lost Oregon Mushroom Hunters Found Huddled in Tree, Trippin’ Balls


Family falls under the spell of magic mushrooms A family of mushroom enthusiasts had to be rescued this weekend after an almost week long bad trip in an Oregon forest. Betsy and Dickey Boone, along with their adult son Abe and their pit bull Jonsey, had planned a quick trip off a logging road to [...]

Susan G. Komen Takes Lumps Over Planned Parenthood De-Fund


Charitable foundation makes a boob of itself  Susan G. Komen for the Cure has halted funding previously granted to rival woman’s health advocacy group Planned Parenthood. Komen says they are concerned with the shoddy bookkeeping that has Planned Parenthood under investigation by Congress, but the 19 Planned Parenthood affiliates no longer receiving Komen cash for [...]

2012: The Year of the Fucking DRAGON


Dragon is at the top of the Zodiac Peking Order For over a decade billions of Asians have been going through the motions, celebrating Chinese New Year as if it meant something. They have put on a brave front, drumming up token enthusiasm for Year of the Sheep and Year of the Ox. But everyone [...]

Nerds Struggle to Make Sense of Day Without Wikipedia; Reddit

I can haz sadness

(Seattle) “It’s only a day, it’ll be over soon,” mutters Redditor Albert Campbell as he zips up his members only jacket. When he learned (four days ahead of anyone else) that his beloved link sharing site Reddit, as well as everything-authority Wikipedia, were shutting down for a day to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) [...]

Mars Hill Marriage Book Shows Slavery’s Softer Side


Co-written by Pastor Mark Driscoll and wife Grace (that means she typed it) The “Mars Hill Guide to Multiple Orgasms,” hit the market this week, the first Sex and Marriage book by Seattle Megachurch super couple Mark and Grace Driscoll. The book is intended as a guide for horny Christians requiring biblical permission to get [...]

Michele Bachmann Drops Out of Presidential Race to Concentrate on Her Rock Band


Michele Bachmann says her presidential bid is BT-Over.

A 2011 Greatest Hit!-Megachurch Mars Hill Developing Gay Pee Test

Holy urinal puck.

“The science is there…” When the pastors of the Reformed Christian megachurch–the Mars Hill Church–established venues of worship in edgy Seattle neighborhoods that were known to be gay-friendly, they knew that one day they might face infiltration by sodomizing, color-coordinated hordes of homos. So, rather than have these “grotesque intruders” spew corruption inside their sacred [...]

Santa is Newest Jenny Craig Spokesperson

laying santa

  Vows to appear on Ellen in swimsuit to show off “bangin’ bikini body” Santa Claus called a press conference on Tuesday to announce that he will become the newest Jenny Craig spokesperson in 2012. Santa is so confident in his ability to meet his weight loss goals he will appear on TV’s Ellen to [...]

Relationship Advice From Dating Expert Newt Gingrich


The Seattle Salmon is proud to have the GOP presidential front runner share his hard-earned relationship wisdom with our readers. Dear Newt, I am searching for a special lady to share my life. Can you recommend a good place to meet a good woman and also suggest ways I could distract my current wife while [...]

This website and its content is copyright of The Seattle Salmon - © The Seattle Salmon 2011. All rights reserved.