Seattle Salmon HQ-Is your spouse passive aggressively hinting its your job to have plans for this evening? Or are you fitting each of your nine cats with party hats for the stroke of midnight? We at the Salmon prepared for this moment and will share some of our plans for New Years so you don’t [...]
“Oh goodie!” exclaimed Mike Davis, NASA’s director of near-earth astronomy, after he looked into his telescope this morning and found a giant, planet-killing asteroid–in the shape of a jaunty little horse–on doomsday collision course set for Earth. Los Alamos, NM–A giant planet-killing asteroid, nicknamed the “Trojan” asteroid, is on a collision course with the planet [...]
Same research proves men use system based on “Least Crazy” UW-Psychology Professor Janet M. Woolbright today broke the secret code of relationships with the publishing of her work in the Journal of Female Relationships, also known as O Magazine. In this research she proves definitively that women choose their mates based on a gradient of [...]
NYC Congressman’s….um….Weiner tweet could have occurred for many normal reasons SEATTLE-Can’t a NYC congressman’s tweet a picture of his erect member in underwear to a Whatcom Community College student without it becoming a national scandal? Apparently not. Friday night, while the Congressman Weiner was innocently watching a hockey game, his Twitter account sent this image [...]
Heaven–Seattle’s Dan Savage was canonized as the patron saint of Northwest gays many years ago for his advocacy of LGBT issues and the inspiring additions of Santorum and Saddlebacking to the lexicon. But in fall of 2010 he began to wonder, is it enough to break the cloud ceiling to become the first gay in [...]
“The science is there…” When the pastors of the Reformed Christian megachurch–the Mars Hill Church–established venues of worship in edgy Seattle neighborhoods that were known to be gay-friendly, they knew that one day they might face infiltration by sodomizing, color-coordinated hordes of homos. So, rather than have these “grotesque intruders” spew corruption inside their sacred [...]
(Kokomo) While the Seattle Salmon staff is on vacation, we are going to run two articles a day. The first piece was read by a ton of you wonderful, supportive salmonistas, WE LOVE YOU! The next piece was equally hilarious but was almost completely ignored by you ungrateful, lazy CAT FISH!
Northwest Holiday Gift Giving Guide – Top Baby Names of 2011 – Downtown Jaywalking Ring
Gov. Gregoire: “We tolled you so” Tolls aren’t just for for floating bridges anymore. Thanks to new technology, Washington residents now have dozens of daily opportunities to help solve the state’s budget crisis. Under this “microtaxation” scheme, passed in a mysterious late-night legislative session, Good to Go passes will be fused to the foreheads [...]
UW Medical researchers have determined the source of Marshawn’s amazing, intermittent, bursts of animal strength called, “Beast Mode.” It’s lycanthropy…or in layman’s terms, he’s a werewolf. (The Clink) Some carries by Seahawk’s running back Marshawn Lynch look beyond human abilities. Bruising, battering charges that fling opposing players through the air like, well, salmon, at the [...]
