Novem-broads dominate annual hair growing contest November is known for many things; Thanksgiving, shopping, and now, pedophile moustaches. The annual, month-long hair growing contest known as Mo-vember, or No-sha-vember, has been in full effect across the Puget Sound as men use patchy facial hair to spread awareness about men’s health issues. But this year local [...]
Attitude problems persist with immature artificial intelligence technology The launch of NASA’s robot probe, Curiosity, marks the first use of a controversial artificial intelligence. The technology has raised ethical concerns as the robot can actually think for itself – though is not necessarily thoughtful. The Seattle Salmon was granted this exclusive e-mail interview with Curiosity [...]
Grocery store throws the book at a little girl who can’t read Everett, WA – Last week, a 4-year-old girl was apprehended by a Safeway security guard after eating dried fruit from a box and then putting it back on the shelf. This act, according to Safeway, is a crime on par with “Genocide and coupon counterfeiting.” When confronted with the [...]
Seattle Salmon Black Friday Shopping Guide We at the Seattle Salmon want you to fulfill your American duty and find the perfect gifts as you line up for Black Friday Sales at 3 am! Even if you lazily waited until 6 am to make your family get to the Mill Creek Walmart, we have some [...]
(Your Parent’s House) Ever since the first pilgrim said, ‘What did you mean by that?” Thanksgiving Dinner has been creating fights between family members. Between Mom’s habit of tricking everyone into arriving four hours early to hear her latest Amway pitch or the inevitable lecture from the police officer answering the domestic violence call, Thanksgiving [...]
(MONTLAKE) Last Friday, hundreds of protestors occupied and shut down the University Bridge during rush-hour traffic, severing a critical link between the drug dealers on Capitol Hill and UW students with healthy cash allowances. The temporary supply disruption forced residents of the U-District to go hours without a reliable source of marijuana or Adderall. As [...]
By Chris Blado Cycling enthusiasts, take note: Seattle has once again been voted the best city for riding bizarrely-shaped bicycles that make you look like a goddamn horse’s ass. 2011 is the third year in a row Seattle has won the competition, cementing its place as a paradise for those who want to look like [...]
SPD introduces new partnership wtih Food Network Following their groundbreaking use of pepper spray on 84 year-old Dorli Rainey, the Seattle Police Department has vowed to develop even bolder applications for the powerful crowd control irritant. Taking a cue from their motto, “Comfortable with Controversy,” the SPD held a press conference to discuss the future [...]
Hot yoga’s fans are looking for a darker char in the new craze, Inferno Yoga! Fremont-Hot yoga, Seattle’s sweaty fitness craze for the last five years is finally cooling off. Its replacement is taking the idea one step hotter: Inferno Yoga. Dozens of studios across the region are cranking up the heat beyond the now [...]
As human feet continue to wash ashore near Vancouver, BC, The Seattle Salmon’s Lori Cleveland interviewed North America’s least understood mass murderer in an attempt to understand the phenomena. Lori Cleveland: You said in your email that you’re disappointed to have evaded capture for so long. Foot Chopping Killer: That’s right, Lori. Oh my goodness, [...]
